“My husband just wanted some crackers and cheese.”

“Never go to bed after you’ve applied pimple cream. Now I have an haute couture IKEA pillowcase.”

“First night of vacation and we go to pull out the sofa bed for the kids. Suddenly, we hear a loud crunching sound.”

“I got some watermelon to celebrate the hot weather, but Canadian winter came back.”

“I made coffee while I was still half-asleep.”

“I thought I was being clever by picking the biggest sandwich in the case. It was just bread.”

“I picked up the salt jar.”

“I wore shorts to work last night because it was 75 degrees out, and this is what it looked like outside this morning after my shift.”

“Today, this is what happened to me when I got home after another 13-hour work day.”

“Apparently, my scissors couldn’t handle this bottle.”

“I mean, I didn’t want to eat it anyway.”

“It’s 3 a.m. Everyone’s asleep and I’ve been trying to get out of my room for 30 minutes.”

“My cola exploded inside the freezer.”

“I knew those pancakes smelled weird.”

“My mom was just finishing cleaning the kitchen and then spilled a bag of chia seeds on the ground.”

“I was mowing the lawn for the first time this season and the mower picked up a rock and shot it through my front door.”

“I guess it’s time for a new pepper grinder.”

“I dropped a pot through my parents’ stove top while putting dishes away.”

“My 7-year-old daughter managed to break a LEGO.”